XXIX. June 26, 2015 (Anniversary II)

I had taken the day off to make it a three day weekend. Syd and I were home doing yard chores that morning. I had just finished mowing and was about to go assist her with finishing up the gutters so we could get cleaned up and go for lunch. It was always ‘Daddy – Daughter day when we were both home during the week. I walked by our open garage were the TV was on. There was a news break so I paused to see what was happening.

The Supreme Court of the United States, our United States, had just released a ruling that made marriage discrimination based on sexual orientation illegal. This meant that all laws prohibiting same sex couples from accessing a marriage licences were null and void. That may not sound like much to those who have never had to think about it, but is was an incredible moment for those who had been denied this basic right and all the security that comes with it. I quickly shot off a text to Lane, who was at work, informing him of this news.

I was in shock. We never imagined that we would see this in our lifetimes. It was to much to hope for. We were simply grateful for living in a city, Austin TX, that had always embraced us, with few exceptions. We know that we live in one of the most progressive and accepting communities on the planet. We have, for the most part, been allowed to live our lives without the fear and discrimination that so many others still live with.

On our local news we could see people gathering at the State Capitol and County Clerks office to celebrate this historic moment. I suddenly felt I needed to be part of this history in the making and I wanted our daughter to be part of it too. I told Syd to get cleaned up, we were going to a party. I wanted a Rainbow flag to take with us so I called our local flag store (Austin Flag & Flagpole Inc.) to put one on hold as I assumed they would sell out pretty quickly. I called Lane and let him know our intentions and plan for the day. This is when he proposed the first time..or something like that. He simply said “Do you want to go down there?” Maybe not so romantic…but so us. We had made our commitment to each other 15 years prior. This was more logistical in our relationship than anything else but was taking on a more significant feel as the moment continued to manifest. It wasn’t just the 1200+ rights we gained with that cheap little piece of paper, it was symbolic, it was validating.

When Syd and I got to the flag store the owner shares this. Right after I called and put the flag on hold, The City Of Austin had called looking for a Rainbow flag to fly over City Hall in recognition of the day. We had the last Rainbow flag in the city on hold. The owner gave me the number to the contact at City Hall. Michael was asking if we would allow them to buy the flag on this momentous occasion.

I told him that I would be paying for the flag but it would be an honor to have it used to mark this milestone. If there was any way possible, I would like the flag back. It really wasn’t that important to get it back and I never really expected it but is didn’t hurt to ask. I called Lane to update him. We decided to meet for lunch before Syd and I headed downtown. Lane and I sat there discussing the possibility of not just going down to celebrate, but actually getting married that day while Syd munched on her burger. It was noon, it was June, hot and humid. We were in jeans, the lines on TV looked very long…but, the door to marriage equality had been opened once before in Texas, for a very short time and then had been slammed shut. After much discussion about what this meant and didn’t mean, Lane asked again, “Do you wanna go down there?” We were not taking any chances. We would go home, change into shorts and head cross town to the county clerks office.

After navigating Friday afternoon traffic, a quarrel over which was the best route and unexpected road detours we arrived at the County Clerks office. The parking lot was full and there was line of about 40 people outside the building. Protesters or other couples? This was a concern that developed as we drove there. We had already decided we would be part of a counter protest if there was negativity. We walked up to the end of the line. ‘Is this the end of the line, and is there someplace we are supposed to sign in?” And almost in unison they replied, “We’re not in line. We are here to support and celebrate your day with you. Go around us and go right in”. And they cheered as we walked by…all these people standing in the hot, 100 degree Texas sun just to support us…strangers we did not know…the first tears of the day on my cheek. This is our town, this is ‘So Austin’.

We were directed to as large conference room with the Texas State seal on one wall flanked by Our state flag and the American flag, with the chairs set in a semicircle facing it. There were already over 100 people there. The first question is do you want a formal or informal marriage? Chicken or fish? We didn’t know. It came down to did we want to wait 72 hours after we got our licence for a formal marriage or leave married that day. Having been thru the opening and then slamming of this door we opted for the informal so we could leave married that day.

While we sat waiting we leaned a lot about marriage we didn’t fully understand. We overheard other couples discussing the pro and cons. An informal marriage is not recognized in all 50 states but a formal marriage is. I went back up to the registrar and asked if we could have both. We could , so we did. The crowd is ever increasing. Shortly after my inquiry the lovely lady who was ruining things came to the middle of the room.

She announced that anyone could have both an informal and formal license and briefly explained the difference. She did a great job of keeping us all informed as she would occasionally make her way to the center of the room. She told us that Judges were waving the 72 hour waiting period and staying open late marrying couples that afternoon and evening. Any question she got she would answer to the room. She did it with enthusiasm and flair keeping us all entertained. She spun around, smiling and laughing and at the end of each update she would say “and then your married and you can go take care of your business” which drew laughter and applause from the crowd.

The room was full of people from all walks of life, from every age group, either waiting their turn or there to support a couple on this momentous day. Some couples sat alone, staring off into space as the gravity of the situation sunk in. This was real, this was happening. Others, like ourselves, had been in a long term relationship and this was just the next natural step in its evolution. Each time a number was called and the couple escorted back into the clerks office, the room cheered, for gay and straight alike.

I think most of the hetero couples that showed up that day thought is was just going to be a quick in and out, a formality with little fanfare. They couldn’t have imagined that this day was going to be unlike other days at the county clerks office. On any other Friday they may process a couple of dozen marriage licenses. There were probably over 250 people waiting by the time our number, 137, was called. The hetero couples all seemed to take it pretty well even with one man on their way out, exclaiming to his new wife ” Now we can go take care of our business” The room erupted in laughter. If nothing else, those couples have an interesting wedding day story to tell.

Our County clerk, Dana DeBeauvoir, made the day happen! As soon as she heard about the ruling, she called in every available clerk and had stations setup where ever they could squeeze one in. Many county clerks across Texas and the country were still refusing to issue licenses to same sex couples. Our clerk, Rebecca, was very enthusiastic and helpful. She crossed out ‘Woman’ and wrote in ‘Man” where appropriate on the forms. Many questions and many answers…and then we were married. This is our wedding day family photo…like us, unconventional but filled with love and realness.

As we made our way out of the building we encounter the huge crowd that had gathered over the last few hours. They cheered, shook our hands extending congratulations. They were giving out bottles of champagne, flowers and balloons. A day that had started out doing yard work ended up being a celebration of our life together. We couldn’t have planned a more fitting reception. Tears as we made our way thru the parking lot.

Today marks the 5th anniversary of the day equality took a big step forward and our 5th anniversary of enjoying the security and recognition that it brought us. We have an incredibly ordinary life with extraordinary love for each other that we have chosen to journey thru together.

Happy anniversary, Husband! I love ‘Us”.

By the way… a few months later a fed Ex shows up at our door…