XVII 365 Days

July 28, 2018 He really wasn’t that into the reception. Family gatherings had become increasingly complicated since dad’s passing. Past conflicts seemed to be taking on new life, possibly fueled by the strong emotions of loss the family was enduring. He would make the best of it for the families sake. Later in the evening Uncle Ted asked him to take a walk. He could tell something was on Ted’s mind as the small talk seemed a bit forced. Finally Ted asked him to take a seat as he had something of importance he needed to share.

It was like a kidney punch. A blow to the abdomen that, in the ring, would have brought a boxer to his knees and a boxing match to its close. Dad had a child we didn’t..he himself didn’t know about? This could be a brother or cousin? These possibilities had never crossed his mind. Why would they. A million thoughts, a numbness, a state of shock. Ted kept talking as his mind kept spinning. They made their way back to the party. He put on his game face and sat with the revelation he had just been made aware of.

It was very late when they set off on the hour and a half drive home. The life altering information he’d been given kept running on a loop thru his mind. He was grateful for the darkness and the family being asleep or preoccupied with their phones. As he pulled up to the house, he realized that he remembered nothing of the drive…only Ted’s words and what they might mean…to him, his family…the entire family.

After he got the family unpacked and settled in, he retreated to the garage, cracked open a beer and began to read the emails Ted have given him. Emails between uncle Ted and this “guy” who had suddenly shown up out of nowhere. The guy and Ted had been communicating for over a year. How did this whole DNA thing work? How accurate was it? Could this be a mistake? What if it wasn’t? After the loss of family over the last few years was this finally someone coming into their lives rather than leaving? From their correspondence, the guy seemed decent enough. He hadn’t tried to force himself on the family and was willing to walk away rather than be a cause of distress.

What would dad expect of him? He was dad’s proxy now. Whatever he would believe dad would do, he would do. It was his duty, his reaction and action would be a reflection of his father and himself.

He really didn’t sleep that night. He lay there in the darkness, thinking about dad…missing dad and wishing he was there to impart the wisdom he had come to rely on for oh so many years. Now he was being called to draw upon his own pool of wisdom. He would be charting the coarse for the entire family in pursuing this new relationship…or not. He could choose to leave it alone. It would have been the easier thing to do, to have just walked away from such a minefield of emotions and possible disappointment..loss. He had lost his only brother, and then his father. He wasn’t sure how he had survived that, but he did. Maybe this was worth taking a chance on, a new relationship, an uncle to his children…a brother…

He knew what he was going to do. In his mind, in his heart, there really was no choice. He would wait for his wife to awaken in the morning, share this information and his intentions with her.

July 29, 2018 I answered in a low monotone voice “hello” ready to go off on some telemarketer calling my phone on a Sunday morning. “Is this Rob?”. “Yes”. “This is Michael, Michael Hax”

Over this past year my family has continually increased in size and stature. For the first year, I knew of them, but I didn’t know them and they didn’t know or even know of me. Now they all know, for the most part, and I know them or I am getting to know them.

I can hardly believe its been a year since I received that phone call..a call that would change my life forever. Change it in the most wonderful ways imaginable. I certainly could have never predicted this turn of events or how it would impact me…impact all those it would touch. Change…I have experienced an incredible amount of change over this last year. Not only in regards to the newly discovered family, The family I grew up in, The family I created but in many other aspects of my life. Change can be painful, and joyful…or both at the same time. Change is the only constant, everything changes. How well we adapt to change determines our state of happiness or lack of it. I have embraced this change.

Yesterday was Michael’s anniversary. One year since Ted had pulled him aside for a chat that would effect so many peoples lives from that point on. Michael sent out a text blast to the family yesterday evening marking the occasion. I think I’m going to refer to it as Hax Day Eve, as today is National Hax day…the anniversary of the day I was invited home…