XVI. Reunion Pt. 3

“He who drinks a fifth on the fourth, may not may not be able to go forth on the fifth.” Thomas Jefferson

This was one of our father’s favorite quotes. He would recite it each 4th of July. I know this from my year of stalking the family on social media and Michael and Teresa telling me the tale. It had been posted by numerous relatives as a remembrance since his passing. I know a lot about my father even though we have never met. Today’s reunion was going to be a bit different than yesterdays. We would be going to visit my father and brother, Pete. Jennifer and her family live in the same town where they were laid to rest. It’s about an hour and half drive from Michael’s. The plan was to meet them at the cemetery and then all go for lunch. We all piled into the car and headed north.

Sidebar: This is also the town my sister, Joanne, lives in. She had yet to reach out and make contact with me. It’s not a large town so I kept joking that we might run into her and how that would play out.

You may recall that I had 3 custom shot glasses made last Christmas.

” I had three of these created. One for my little brother, one for my big brother and one for myself. My hope is that one day we might visit our father and brothers final resting place and entomb Pete’s at his headstone. Now and forever, love you little brother!”

About half way there I realized we had forgotten the glass back at the house. I’ll take this as sign that I will be visiting them again in the future. I also observed and shared with the family that I had read years ago that people who are comfortable with each other can be in each others company and not feel the need to fill the space with words or sound. We rode in silence most of the way there.

We arrived around noon, pulled up behind Jennifer’s car and all got out. I knew exactly where their graves were as Michael had given me enough information for me to find them on Google Earth. I could have walked right over to them…but I did not. Instinctually, I waited for the funeral procession. This manifested organically. My brothers widow and children went first followed by my brother and his family which I followed. I had no idea how I might feel or react in this experience. I was allowing whatever emotion surfaced to fill…fulfill me.

They are buried side by side. I stood there between them at the foot of their graves, grief…an overwhelming sense of grief overcame me. I sat down, having forgotten that there were others there, and began to cry. My brother came up behind me, gently put his hand on my shoulder and said “I am here if you need me”. He knew exactly what I needed. The reassurance that I was not alone in my grief and my family, literally, had my back.

I couldn’t help myself. My emotions and thoughts where all over the place. I got really pissed off at God. Why? What might have been? What am I supposed to do, feel, learn? What is left for me but a grave? I don’t know why I did it, but I laid back, there between them, the scorching sun blinding me.

Calm and a “presence” slowly replaced my disorientation . It was all just as it it should be. I don’t have to explain it or try to quantify the experience. It was real and somehow healing for me. The thought that became very prevalent was simply this. They are not here. Their temporary vessels that carried their souls lie below me. Michelle gave me this card from my dad’s funeral the first time I visited. It sits on the dashboard of my truck, my constant copilot. It’s what kept running thru my mind…my heart as I lie there.

They are within me, my family and around us in every loving memory we recall and share. Although I have only second hand memories, they are memories non the less. I moved closer and touched their headstones. As I traced their names with my fingers I wondered what they might think of me, here in their space, with them. It was another one of those ‘full circle” encounters. Finding them, losing them and now, on some level, being reunited with them.

When I stood and turned around, there was my family, standing a few feet behind me, in a row. This was what dad…God had left me… the loving family I had always longed for, the healing they would bring me…or had he left me to fulfill and heal them…I choose to believe, in my heart, that both are true. I walked over to my brother and embraced him. I did this with Michelle and then Jennifer as well. It felt like an appropriate conclusion to our memorial. We then visited the grave of my niece, Jennifer and Pete’s child Emma, who was laid to rest just few feet away in 2004.

We piled back into our cars. Oh good lord was it hot! Michael needed fuel so we stopped on our way to the designated lunch spot. As we stood there pumping gas, Michael motioned to the business next door. It was a vet clinic. It was the Clinic my sister Joanne worked at. My heart jumped a bit. Was she there? Probably not but I did threaten, in a joking way, to walk in and ask to see her and if I had to leave a message it might have been something along the lines of “Tell her that her brother stopped by. The gay, illegitimate one she hasn’t met…yet”…LOL! OK, that’s a glimpse into my slightly twisted sense of humor which it turns out, I share with my brother.

Joanne; If you should read this one day, I hope you know that I mean no disrespect. Humor can be a coping mechanism I use when I have strong emotions that seek an outlet. You are my sister and even if we never meet, you will remain so in my heart. I have brothers and sisters that I have not had contact with in 10 to 20 years…they are still my siblings and I love them dearly. Hope doesn’t come with an expiration date.

We finally made it to Bubba’s Grill. This was one of dad’s favorite little places to eat. If you aren’t looking for it you might drive right by it. It’s run by an elderly woman with a glowing personality. We placed our order and had a seat. While I was paying ( With a bit of prodding I got my brother to let me pick up this one tab) I noted her tip jar. All her tips went to support her IDD grandson (Intellectual & developmental disabilities) and his participation in the Special Olympics. I work in this field and my tip reflected my true desire to support this endeavor. She was so grateful that she came to our table with the jar and photo and explained it to us. Such a proud grandma!!!

I’m not sure if this is exactly how this played out, but this is how I remember it. While she is talking, my nephew Landon, or possibly one of my other incredible nieces, made the suggestion that we all gather the cash we had on us and put it in the jar. And so we did and then Landon walked around and gave it to her. She was very moved as we all were. After we finished eating and had been sitting and visiting, she came out with several to go containers. They are known for their bread pudding and she wanted to express her gratitude for not only our generosity, but the joy we had brought into her little establishment that afternoon. Michael had visited with her a bit as well and found out that she attended the church where dad had been a Deacon. Full circle! Love this family!! Best wake ever!!!

It was time to say farewell to Jennifer and her family. We held each other. Thank you, Jennifer, Alyssa & Grace for being there for me. (Peter couldn’t make it that day) I feel my brother even more so now having been in your presence. I do so look forward to the next time we can all be together again.

Love this photo of Grace & I. An angels smile!

We made our way south toward “home”. On the way we stopped at my brothers work. I’m very proud of him and the level of responsibility and commitment his job entails. People literally put their lives in his hands. Their trust is well placed.

The evening was very casual. The reality that I would need to pack and be ready to set off on my trek back to Texas in the morning could only be denied for so long. Its always a double edged sword. I was missing my husband and our home and was anxious to return to them. I was already missing my brother, his family, and my “other home”. Who wants to leave such a great party…but this party, like all parties, had to end so another might begin in the future. I forced myself to bed around 11. When I awoke the next morning and made my way into the kitchen, I found the banner that had hung on the 4th rolled up and set next to a few things I had left on the counter. I could tell there was writing on it so I took it back to my room, laid it on the floor and began to unroll it. I was not prepared for what I discovered. They had stayed up very late and turned a piece of paper into a family heirloom that I will treasure for the rest of my life.

They printed photos and placed them on the banner. They had my sister and niece write notes, photograph and send them and then printed and attached them to the banner as well. They each wrote me a special note. Can you imagine? They did all this after I went to bed. This has Michelle’s fingerprints..the entire families ‘heartprints’ all over it. Do you think I might have cried just a little…more like I wept unfretted tears of joy!

I end this entry with one of my most precious memories of those last few hours together the night before. I was playing music from my phone. This song came on and Michael and Michelle spontaneously came together and began dancing in the middle of the dinning room. Such genuine love these two have for each other. You can see it in their lives and their children. I feel it in their home. I now know what my life is like with them in it and I cant bare to imagine it without them. I have heard this song my entire life. Its meant different things at different times but now it has new meaning and brings me to the edge of my ‘Godspace” each time I hear it.

God only knows what these people, and all the loving people I have had, have, in my life mean to me. Thank you, God. Well done!