XIX Debbie & Debbie

We headed back to mom’s as I had a dinner date with one of my little sisters, Deb. This too would be very different from years past. In the past it felt more like an obligation to get together with family than a desire. This year I was excited and took a bit more control of the situation. I expressly asked for a dinner with just my sister, not my brother n law or nephew. We really are not that close and I understand them only attending out of that same sense of obligation that I felt. I wanted to talk freely about my new family and how it was changing my feelings about them, the family I had been raised in and known my entire life. I spoke of how much I had come to cherish our past and how excited I was about my future in regards to family. I expressed my intentions and objectives in writing this blog. I needed, for me, to reassure them that I had not sought nor found replacements for them. My relationships with them are still unique and hold special places in my heart. They always will. We had one of the best visits ever!

Deb is part of her own, the Arthur’s, unique ancestry tale. We were living on a farm in Colorado, I believe around 1978. We got off the school bus and grabbed the mail on our way down the long driveway to our house. I was thumbing thru it as I walked and came across a hand addressed letter to Harley. What caught my attention was the return address…Debbie Arthur. My little sister Debbie was in 3rd grade and waking beside me. There were no other Debbies, to my knowledge, in the Arthur clan. I gave the mail to my mom but didn’t mentioned what I had noticed. Not long after that the phone rang late one night. I could hear Harley upstairs, his raised voice declaring “I only knew that woman years ago for a short time”. The next day I found myself alone in the house so into Harley dresser drawer I went. I rummaged around and found the letter.

This Debbie was the product of yet another one of Harley’s indiscretions. He likely never knew about this child and the mother had just coincidentally picked the name of Harley’s youngest daughter and given her his last name. The mother had passed away in an institution and the child had been raised by her grandparents. Harley wanted nothing to do with her. Years later my sisters would make contact with her and develop a relationship to the extent that she is in the family wedding photo of one of them. Harley was there as well but refused to look at or speak to her. If you saw the photo, you would know there is no denying that she is Harley’s daughter. Of coarse having two Debbie Arthur’s in the world has created some identity issues for them both but they have worked thru them. I have never met the second Deb but I believe “my” Deb and family understand the almost instant bond some can experience when genetics are all you have in common in the beginning.

This dinner date was one of the best times I have had with one of my siblings in years. I love you, Deb!

I got back to mom’s a couple of hours later and we sat around visiting. My husband can attest, we never run out of conversation. The first few times she came to visit he kept joking that at some point we would run out of words…we never did nor will we ever. If you recall, I had written and sent my mom, my mothers day posting. She enjoyed it and asked if I might print the entire blog for her to read. Mom only touched a computer for the first time last year when I brought my laptop to show her the ancestry.com. website and results. So I printed, hole punched and put it into a 3 ring binder. I kept finding myself quoting from my blog so I pulled the binder out and had her read an excerpt. When she finished she sat there for a moment looking off into space. I wasn’t sure if she had read something bothersome or confusing…so I waited for her reaction..

With a glint of tear in her eyes she said; “After everything you have been thru, and God knows you have been thru enough, I don’t know how you find it in your heart to write such loving and beautiful thoughts. I am so proud that you are doing this and sharing it”

My mom likes my writing (tears) My mom is one of the main reasons I still have loving thoughts and can share them (tears) My mom is my heart-song (more tears..many more tears).

The next day mom and I went to the Omaha Botanical Gardens on the recommendation of one of the Coffee Club Crew, Joanne. Its one of the nicest botanical gardens I have ever been in. We had lunch at the garden before we took the tram tour and then walked the three story conservatory.

Now that we have the lay of the land, next year we plan to bring a picnic lunch and spend more time in a few of our favorite spots.

The next day my nephew Benny went to lunch with mom and I. He and my sister, Laura, only live a few blocks from her. He’s almost 16 and still holds the door for his grandma. I appreciate that he appreciates his grandma.

That evening I had the same dinner date with my sister, Laura, as I did with my sister Deb. Just the two of us. We also talked about how exciting our present day lives where. She is a single mom, and a doing a very good job at it. She and Benny have chosen to take in an exchange student for a year. I think this will be very good for them and the exchange student. My sister has some really neat ideas about how to give him the “American” experience and not just miles and miles of corn fields..LOL! We had a wonderful time! This is probably how I am going to structure my future visits. One on one. We really get to enjoy each other as we are not worried about others feeling left out when we start to talk about things only we, having a shared history, can fully appreciate or understand. I love you, Laura!

It was back to mom’s and the worst part of these trips for me, the evening before I leave to head ‘home’…but I would not be heading straight home this year. I would be talking a detour to touch a memory, to breath the air and feel the soil beneath my feet, to make real once more those golden images in my mind of a home I once knew and those I knew within and around it.