VII. A day, that would change everyday, for the rest of my days

July 29, 2018

Another Sunday, like every Sunday had been for awhile, but not like every other Sunday. We had worked our usual routine. We’re early risers, everyday of the year. We don’t sleep in and are having coffee by 4:45. Sunday is to the store for the weekly groceries, home by 8:30, I’m mowing the yard by 8:35. as is most of our neighborhood. It’s central Texas in July. By August we mow around midnight with flashlights. We are all showered and dressed by 10:00 and ready to go.

We had set the house alarm and were on our way to the car when my phone rang. ‘Caller ID Blocked. I was about to reject the call as I NEVER answer a blocked call. It suddenly occurred to me that we had given our mobile numbers to the hospice nurses recently. What if something had drastically changed overnight and there was no longer a reason to “go”.

I answered in a low monotone voice “hello” ready to go off on some telemarketer calling my phone on a Sunday morning. “Is this Rob?”. “Yes”. “This is Michael, Michael Hax”

I remember… a puzzled look from across the hood of the car as I mouthed “Its Michael, in Louisiana”. The smell of freshly cut grass, the blue sky, a gentle breeze on a hot humid July morning…time stood still. I was speechless and felt a little dizzy. My head felt to big for my body, my heart ached and my mind raced. I stood there speechless.

“Do you know who I am?” “Yes, I just never expected to hear from you.”

I really didn’t expect to ever hear from the Hax family again after I’d sent that last message to Ted, let alone Michael. In all my daydreams about possible reunions, he was the last one I imagined connecting with. He was the son who would be terribly protective of his mother and his father’s legacy. He appeared to be, from my stalking vantage point, a great son, father, brother and husband and now the patriarch of the family since Peter’s passing. I projected my own probable reactions onto him that I would have had if the situation was reversed. Who is this interloper who could bring my mother so much distress? I had to make best guess assumptions about a number of things and people that would turn out to be in error.

We went back into the house. Michael put me on speaker phone so his wife, Michelle, could take part in the conversation. I was deeper in shock and questions were rapid firing in my mind. How did he find out about me? Ted? Was he about to go off on me, telling me to never try and contact them? Did they know about my husband? How would they react to that if they didn’t?

There was some stumbling around for a few moments between Michael and I and then Michelle, very calmly, made these statements. “Regardless of where this all goes we want you to know this. We consider you part of our family. We are happy to know that a part of Peter lives on in Austin. We consider your husband and daughter part of our family”.

I cried a little, my heart feeling like it would burst, but managed to hide it pretty well…I think? This would set the tone for our first contact and evolving relationship going forward. They had alleviated all my primary fears and concerns of not only connecting with family, but anyone new in our lives. They could have rejected the mere idea of me, a “mistake” their father made in the past that should be left in the past. Even though we live in an enlightened age, my unconventional family could have been an issue as Peter was a deacon in the Catholic church for over 20 years. I was overwhelmed by the genuine level of immediate acceptance, compassion and reassurance they conveyed.

They kept commenting on how much I sounded, spoke and resembled our deceased brother, Pete Jr. They would apologize for this each time and I would reassure them that my heart swelled every time I heard it for no one had ever said I resembled a family member before…because I hadn’t really ever had a family member to resemble.

“There is something I do not know, the knowing of which could change everything” Werner Arhard

And then the inevitable question; How did you find out about me? It turns out, Uncle Ted had been working this entire time behind the scenes figuring out how, when and who to tell. I would eventually find out just how much he ‘didn’t want me to go away’. He and Aunt Debbie had traveled across the country for a nephews wedding reception. At some point in the evening he pulled Michael aside and filled him in. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall for that conversation. I cant imagine how Michael must have felt or how he processed this. What I do know is he went home that evening, thought about this all night and when Michelle awoke the next morning, he shared it with her and his intention to contact me. She felt the same way and supported him 100%.

Its difficult to express the level of shock I was in resulting from this detour. My life was taking a hard turn I had not anticipated and I was shifting gears, following this new route, as quickly as I could. I had no idea where this lane change was taking me, but then again, had I ever really depended on a set coarse to get me where I was going? Not really. I am usually just meandering down the road enjoying the scenery.

This wasn’t a long call. I remember the emotions and not so much the words that we exchanged. Stunned, excited, hopeful, fulfilled…wanted…with just a dash of anxiety and trepidation.

At some point in the call, Michael referred to me as “brother”. I will never forget that moment. I began to get choked up again and then he said “my dad…I mean our dad..”. Michelle did the same thing…They didn’t just reach out to connect with me, they embraced and reassured me that I was not only wanted, but appreciated in their lives. How much can one heart take?

After about 20 minutes I suggested we take a break as I was really needing to break down and wasn’t quite ready to breakdown in front of them yet. I briefly explained where we were headed when they called which they understood. We spoke briefly about how important it was that we continue to keep this information closely held between us. I made it clear to Michael, just as I had with Ted, that I would leave the dissemination of this information to other family members up to his discretion. Michael would remove the caller ID block and call back right away so I would have his number. Lane and I got in the car and headed to the nursing home. Michael called and it came over the Bluetooth car speakers. After we hung up, Lane said “Your brother’s voice sounds a a lot like Jimmy’s…I never thought about how much you sound like Jimmy…Your brothers voice sounds a lot like yours”

It was a good day at the nursing home…it was a good day! Linda was overjoyed that we had made this connection as she had been along for the journey from the start. She would ask everyday, until the end, “Did you talk to your brother yesterday?”

That evening, shortly before we went to bed, I sent my first text to Michael.

Rob; “I don’t know where we start but didn’t want the day to end without reaching out. It means a great deal to me, that ya’ll are so open to this revelation. Hearing your voice, knowing that you know I exist, there is a comfort in that for me. I talked to my brother today, that’s something. I look forward to talking again soon”

That was something, that would become something more than I could have ever imagined or hoped for.

Michael; “I was just with Michelle and together we sent you a Facebook request. I am so glad I called you this morning. I waited for Michelle to wake up and then told her what I had just learned the night before. She immediately embraced me and supported me to get in touch with you. I’m a lucky guy and I am realizing even luckier than I ever was before finding out about you. It was hard losing Peter, our brother, but today I gained another. This is the beginning and we have a lot of catching up to do. Talk to you tomorrow.”

We did and we haven’t stopped talking since or ever plan to…