That first year in the burg, 78′-79′, was about acclimating and figuring out how to fit in with my new classmates. I found my rhythm. The year was full of school and community activities. I assumed that David, Ed and I would be sent to spend the summer with grandpa as we had done almost every summer of our lives.
On the way to Colorado our little caravan had stopped to spend the night at grandpa’s as it was about half way to our new “house”. This would be the last time any of us saw him alive. He was sad and missing the life that had been taken from him when grandma passed the previous year. None of us would return to spend the summer of 78′ as we had done for many years. We would return in June of 1979, the next year, to bury him on the Great Plains of Kansas next to grandma. Harley, David, Eddie, Laura and myself were the only ones to attend his funeral. I would not be returning to Colorado with them as it had been decided that I would be going on Harvest Crew with my uncle Wayne, aunt Vida and cousin Richard (Dick), his wife and toddler daughter for the summer. Although I jumped at this opportunity to escape, I was very distraught, internally, by the idea that I wouldn’t be seeing my mom, brothers or sisters for months. I was not allowed to express emotion outwardly. Anytime I did it was met with a severe physical reaction from Harley. This was always a problem as I was and still am an emotional guy but I learned how to suppress it and only entertained those feelings late at night when I was alone in my room.
Uncle Wayne, Aunt Vida and their family were the relatives we saw most. They didn’t live far from Grandpa and Grandma’s. Wayne and Harley were the youngest of 8 children growing up on a Kansas dirt farm. Although Wayne was a great deal like Harley, there was one major difference ….factor. Aunt Vida! I little dynamo at about 5 feet tall and 100lbs soaking wet, she directed Uncle Wayne’s 6 foot 250lbs attitudes and actions. She had family that lived near by that had made it clear early on in their marriage that they would not be tolerating any shenanigan’s. I always enjoyed time with Uncle Wayne even though he did remind me of Harley so a bit of caution in all our interactions. I absolutely adored my Aunt Vida. I had my entire life.
They had 4 children, Michael, Richard, Randy and Lori. They came and did things with us when we were young and staying at our grandparents. I’m sure they were also there just visiting with their grandparents. I know they loved them as much as I did. My cousins were so cool. Mike and his girlfriend, eventfully his wife, would pick us up in his car and take us to the drug store for pinball and root beer floats. I still remember sitting in the back seat, CCR on the radio or probably 8 Track tape. A warm summer afternoon with the windows down and the wind in my face…. a golden moment that I can still close my eyes and summon . I remember their wedding, my other cousins, Richard and Randy all dressed up and the table cloth grandma had crocheted for it. A small white steepled church just outside of town. Lori and her boyfriend (eventfully husband) were always so sweet and kind to us. Aunt Vida, was aunt Vida and I love her dearly.
Over the years they just became a part of our lives when ever we were at our grandparents. I don’t remember Uncle Wayne hardly ever coming to our grandparents house and would only go to his house at Grandmas insistence and then didn’t speak much, if at all with Wayne. I never thought much about it until I brought this up in passing during a conversation with mom earlier this year.
As she tells it, Mom, about to give to birth to Ed, David and I had moved from California back to Kansas to live with our grandparents until Harley could join us (that’s another story). Wayne was visiting and called grandpa out on how badly he was treating me. I was probably around 5 years old. He would shake me violently and scream in my face what a bad and evil boy I was even though the infraction he was upset about was perpetuated by David and everyone in the room knew this as it was a continual pattern that played out time and time again. Grandpa ordered Wayne out of his house and told him never to return. This was not the first of his children that came to this. I believe Aunt Hilda had been banished for raising a hand to stop him from slapping her as an adult. He had always beat his children so as it goes, it gets passed on until someone breaks the cycle. I think Uncle Wayne, for his part, broke the cycle
I wish I had known that all those years ago. I have no memory of the event. It would explain why Uncle Wayne and his family treated me the way they did, with kindness and understanding. This was demonstrated more than once over this summer with them.
Mike died in 1975 after a battle with cancer. I had been “informed” but the impact of this loss wasn’t truly felt until we buried grandpa, about 15 yards from his grave in 1979. I saw Wayne, Vida and their extended family standing in a group, gazing at a headstone. I saw Mike’s daughter, Jennifer and her mom. As I approached I realized what they were gathered around. It hit me hard right then and there. Mike was gone. Grandma was gone, Grandpa was gone. The house… home we knew was no more… and in the morning my family would be “gone”.
After the funeral, I said my goodbyes and they drove back to Colorado. Inside I felt as if a part of my heart was being ripped away as I watched them disappear down the street and around the corner. Good riddance to Harley…or was I going to miss him as well? Confusing as I still believed he was my biological father and I just needed to be a better son. Maybe, if I didn’t “fuck this up”, he would have a reason to be proud of and love me. I just wanted his approval even after all he had done to me.
I cried every morning and every evening for a week and then I woke up one day and forgot to cry. I was onto my next adventure. I believe that summer, out on my own and responsible for my own choices, gave me the tools and confidence I would need when I left home just a few years later.
Hugs.
Wonderful! First the book, then the movie!